What is the math behind an exciting sex life? Author Jack Morin has a theory. In his book The Erotic Mind he coined the erotic equation:
ATTRACTION + OBSTACLES = EXCITEMENT
This means that the more something is in the way of you having sex with someone (taboo, physical distance, it’s against the rules) the more you want to have sex with that person. The implications could be huge for your sex life. A lot of people find themselves in longterm relationships in which the sex has decreased significantly over time. At first you couldn’t keep your hands of one another and now you have to designate a day each week so that you don’t forget to have sex (I really hope that this is not the case).
The lack of obstacles to the two of you having sex could be what is keeping you from having it as much. Weird, right? The fact that there’s nothing getting in the way of the two of you having sex is why you to aren’t having sex. So what do you do in this situation?
Create artificial barriers to sex. Make rules such as, “We have to have sex at least five times this week, but we’re not allowed to have it at home!” Now there are clear goals but also major obstacles. Make the bedroom off limits, or better yet make vaginal penetration off limits for a time. When we’re single, the pursuit is a major part of generating excitement. If you no longer have to pursue your partner then you will no longer create the same level of excitement.
Now I’m not advocating cutting your partner off or withholding sex. What I am advocating is keeping your sex life engaging and exciting. There is a great saying, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you always got.”
I’m tired of hearing about how drastically the sex declines in marriages and LTRs. Is it any wonder people cheat? Talk about obstacles! You need not be doomed to a sexless relationship. Do the math, you’ll like the result.